Forgiveness or Fool
Went to church and wouldn't you know it, it's all about forgiveness. I don't know about you, but my pride gets in the way and I do not want to look like a fool. At what point do you stop forgiving and not look like a fool. Of course, forgiveness does not necessarily mean that you forget or continue in a toxic relationship. I do struggle with this concept, the turn the other cheek and love everybody. Loving someone that hurt you....<sigh> THAT is a tall order, do you have to be a saint to achieve this? I mean the biggest theme song of the century seems to be Frozen's "Let It Go", what does that mean? Does that mean you just become someone's doormat? Do you never stand up for yourself? What if the wound is really deep, how do you forgive that? Am I the only one that dwells on transgressions against me?
You see the wound is so great for me that I can't stop thinking about it, I think the reason is that I was clueless, I thought my world was perfect, it seemed to have morphed into everything that I wanted and I was truly happy, then one day - everything changed and I realized that there were things happening in the background. It hasn't been the same since...and I'm told, "oh, it was nothing, we are going to move past this." I want to, well, I'll be honest I want it back like it was but then again, I now have doubts, as to, were those moments really mine? It's been two months, but it feels like yesterday, I have good days and bad and often feel like I'm on a roller coaster. I no longer see this person the same as I once did, I struggle with depression and disillusionment.
Ultimately forgiveness isn't for the other person but for myself. The person that hurt me is fine, going on with their lives without any issues, while I am hurting and struggling. I refuse to be the victim so I must forgive, I will most likely never forget (my ostrich skill has completely abandoned me on this one); however, I recognize the irony that I didn't betray, yet I'm the one suffering because of someone else's choices and actions. Screaming in my head, THAT is not fair.
Pinterest is full of self-help advice on healing and defeating depression, I found one interesting, it said ,
Come up with a mantra, or phrase that helps you stay focused and positive. Something as simple as, “I’m worth it,” or “I’m a survivor” silently, or vocally expressed, will help you to stay on track. Write it down and put it on your refrigerator, or mirror that you look at each morning as a reminder.
Below are some of my favorites. My anger makes me really like these two:
You are being presented with two choices: evolve or repeat.
Evolving involves eliminating.
#bitterforone
How have you dealt with forgiveness?
You see the wound is so great for me that I can't stop thinking about it, I think the reason is that I was clueless, I thought my world was perfect, it seemed to have morphed into everything that I wanted and I was truly happy, then one day - everything changed and I realized that there were things happening in the background. It hasn't been the same since...and I'm told, "oh, it was nothing, we are going to move past this." I want to, well, I'll be honest I want it back like it was but then again, I now have doubts, as to, were those moments really mine? It's been two months, but it feels like yesterday, I have good days and bad and often feel like I'm on a roller coaster. I no longer see this person the same as I once did, I struggle with depression and disillusionment.
Ultimately forgiveness isn't for the other person but for myself. The person that hurt me is fine, going on with their lives without any issues, while I am hurting and struggling. I refuse to be the victim so I must forgive, I will most likely never forget (my ostrich skill has completely abandoned me on this one); however, I recognize the irony that I didn't betray, yet I'm the one suffering because of someone else's choices and actions. Screaming in my head, THAT is not fair.
Pinterest is full of self-help advice on healing and defeating depression, I found one interesting, it said ,
Come up with a mantra, or phrase that helps you stay focused and positive. Something as simple as, “I’m worth it,” or “I’m a survivor” silently, or vocally expressed, will help you to stay on track. Write it down and put it on your refrigerator, or mirror that you look at each morning as a reminder.
Below are some of my favorites. My anger makes me really like these two:
You are being presented with two choices: evolve or repeat.
Evolving involves eliminating.
#bitterforone
How have you dealt with forgiveness?
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